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Black Friday


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No, not the "bargain" sales, the REAL Black Friday...

I just stumbled across this old classic, written, I believe, by the dot.net (when it was good) legend, Slim Hoolie. Enjoy!


THE ODE TO BLACK FRIDAY (aka The Radge's Lament)

'Twas the Friday 'fore Christmas, and all through the toon,

Not a soul had been sober, since mid-afternoon,

The women did vomit with the utmost of care,

In the hope that it wouldn't end up in their hair.

The pubs they were packed and the drink flowing free,

And all night the cry was "Ah'm ootae ma tree!!",

Please make no mistake, 'twas a vision of hell,

But what happened that night, one could not foretell.

For come 2 o'clock when the boozers chucked out,

She went for a taxi - the haggard old trout,

"I can't wait in that" she did say of the queue,

So she chanced her good luck and she pushed her way through.

Alas, as it was - this wasn't her night,

She was grabbed by the hair by some gobby wee sh*te,

Then yanked back and forth - once more did she vomit,

Pus smacked off a car, straight onto the bonnet.

Much chaos ensued and the punches did fly,

But so hardy was she, the old trout didn't cry,

She picked herself up and with furious anger,

She saught out her foe and proceeded to bang her.

So let it be known, it's the same every year,

To drink on Black Friday - it fills me with fear,

It goes without saying - the wise man refuses,

And instead he stays home...

to avoid facial bruises.

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